Forgiveness, they say, is  a willful abandonment of resentments and related responses to which a person has a right, and endeavoring to respond to the wrongdoer based on the moral principle of beneficence — which may include compassion, unconditional worth, generosity and moral love. It is replacing your negative thoughts, feelings and actions toward the offender with a more positive one.

It is such a daunting task that makes me want to equate it with the second greatest commandment: Love your neighbor as yourself.But what if the very person you cannot forgive, is your very own self?

I am not saying that forgiving others is easier than forgiving yourself. Sometimes, I think it is even harder.  I personally find it logically difficult to give yourself unconditional regard. After all, we are our worst critics. We know all too well our motives, deep seated thoughts and feelings — a sad reality that no matter how hard we try, we will never be perfect in anyone else’s eyes — not even to our own.

My question, then, is how we can inflict so much pain, anger and hatred in ourselves; why do we prefer to take all the blame most of the time? We can only take in so much. Why is it difficult to accept ourselves for who we are, and decide that we deserve all the love we can give?

It has been said that we cannot give what we do not have. Having said this, it is impossible to love ourselves if we have not experienced love at all. The truth is that God loved us first.  This is precisely why we were even created in the first place. And still, it is love that saves us all. God loves us too much that He wanted us to be like Him. In turn, we all have the innate ability to love because of this. And I suppose, it is but sensible and moral that we should love ourselves first to be able to love others unconditionally.

It makes more sense to require love in forgiveness. After all, with love, all things are possible.


2 thoughts on “Forgiving

  1. caturs says:

    As you said before, forgiveness benefits the one who forgives, since forgiveness is an act of freeing oneself of the negative emotions. Hence, we forgive others easily, and even without having to declare outwardly, because that person’s mistake is not for us to suffer for.

    As for personal forgiveness, I think people are more likely to inflict pain and suffering to themselves, because in a sense, it is redemptive. (Same reason why people want to punish lawbreakers than just let them off the hook.) We punish ourselves, because there is some sense of justice in paying for one’s mistakes.

    I think that the bigger problem is knowing what we deserve. How much do we need to suffer, until when will we have to make ourselves pay? How do people recognize the extent of their responsibility in a situation…

  2. sang says:

    Yes I agree that the bigger problem is knowing what we deserve..but not in terms of inflicting ourselves pain..but rather, how we much we should love ourselves in light of self-forgiveness.

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