You have always been strong. At least that’s how you come across to me. And I remember how you would pretend not to feel anything despite the feeling of your heart falling apart with every beating. I envy how you appear cold and austere while silently wishing for somebody to hold you dear.
Oh and how you have always been alluding to your freedom! You have always been a wanderer and struggle to be noncommittal. You said that relationships only tie you down. It’s too much work to do, too much time to waste on something that is very uncertain in terms of return. So you never invest anything, and aver that everything you have was freely given because you never ask for anything.
Is there really nothing that you want? Or is it too much that you don’t even know where to start asking? I can never know every little thing that’s going on with you but I feel that neither can you. It is futile to resist so do not insist that you know everything because you never can and never will. And for once, please admit how much you feel.
I am leaving this space where you left me. Perhaps you were right in thinking that we can never be. But I am grateful for the illusion you gave me: that at some point in this lifetime, we made each other happy.