I have written this several years ago, upon reading the then infamous Joshua Harris’ series of books on single blessedness and Christian romantic relationships. I figured, I only needed to edit some parts because most still hold true for me up to this day.
“I am in favor of steady dating. After all, it is merely going out on social engagements with a particular person. It is a great way of getting to know another person better — you find out similarities, common interests, discover each other’s values and belief systems. Going out on dates are common in the season of courtship, but it does not always follow that courtship would follow dating.
Courtship is the process of wooing that person, or gently persuading a person to like you back — at least as much as you like them. And to be able to do this, you tend to present only your better, if not your best self. How else will you win tha favor of the “beloved” but by going out of your way to be as charming and as interesting as you can be. But sadly, you can only do as much and this is a tiring task indeed! You could run out of resources and energy, that is why you tend to rush things and become impatient when things take a longer time than expected.
So to go out on dates is simply to go out and meet people to gain new friends. After all, they say that the best relationships start from friendships. If you become friends with another, you don’t pretend to be someone else, or have that nagging fear that you might be rejected when you get tired of being your better self and start being yourself. And as friends, you can still go out on dates — have dinner, go for a walk, see a movie. These things help you get to know each other better, hopefully, minus the romantic expectations. You don’t become friends with someone after going out on a couple of dates, or after a series of exchanging phone calls, sms and emails. It takes a lifetime to get to know a person — but only through a relatively and considerable amount of time spent with each other, you can become friends with that person. And if something else happens along the way, pray over it before deciding to discover if there is something more worth exploring than what you already have. If the love you share is enough to carry you through a lifelong commitment with each other, it will happen in time. Meanwhile, enjoy the friendship and be content with the love friends have for each other. It is still worth keeping.
So pardon me, Mr. Harris, I refuse to kiss dating goodbye. I would like to enjoy the company of my friends in mutually interesting activities also known as dates. But I do save my kisses and never kiss on dates.”